40. Who are you calling racist?

“The first time I was faced with having to help a white farmer save his farm, he took a long time talking but he was trying to show me he was superior to me. I know what he was doing. But he had come to me for help. What he didn’t know while he was taking all that time trying to show me he was superior to me was I was trying to decide just how much help I was going to give him.”

The above statement by Shirley Sherrod, which was taken wildly out of context by right-wingers on biggovernment.com and on our beloved Fox News, has been called “blatantly racist.” Racist? Given the context of the statement and the fact that this occurred 28 years ago, I suppose if one tried hard enough he or she may be able to find racism here. As for the adjective “blatant” I can only assume that either the people who are throwing it out have no understanding of its meaning or – which sadly is the more likely case – they know that if they inflate the racism using such “fancy” words, more people will be angered and offended by it. People are also saying that the statement is filled with hate… let’s talk about hate for a second.

In the 1960s talk about civil rights and desegregation reached a peak. Violence spread across the south as conservatives sought to protect their good ol’ conservative values and the segregated system that held the minority groups down. On July 2, 1964 following Lyndon B. Johnson’s signing of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, many southern conservatives protested the legality of such an act and even the morality of it. Their displeasure with Johnson is even part of what led to conservatives in the south to begin calling themselves “Republicans” instead of “Southern Democrats.” I note, however, that although there was a name change, the social views of the southerners remained the same. In 1968, another civil rights bill was passed making housing discrimination based on race illegal.

In Georgia, the fight to prevent integration lasted well into the 70s and “equal treatment”, depending on who you ask, did not begin happening until the 80s. The story Sherrod was telling took place in 1982, and people are calling her racist for suggesting that she did not give help to the very fullest of her ability to a white man, even though – in the end – she did help him save his farm? I’m a white person, and to me it still looks like the racism is coming from the white side. Fox and friends are pulling a “how dare you!?” because she wasn’t giving full service to a white during a time when black Americans were just beginning to experience what more fair treatment felt like. After hundreds of years of oppression, this woman is racist because – even though she did save the man’s farm – she did not do so to the absolute best of her ability. If these idiots had taken the time to see the full video, they would also see that she continued on to tell of what she learned from all of this: to put race aside. She said that although race will always exist, it should not matter.

While listening to this debate and seeing conservatives such as O’Reilly, Hannity, Beck and others condemn this woman for “hate-filled” remarks of “blatant” racism, I couldn’t help but think that these same people had no such reaction to Nikky Haley and Barack Obama being called “rag heads” because Haley is Indian and Obama has a Muslim middle name. Jake Knots, the republican state senator who made the statement said it was a joke as if that somehow makes it okay (kind of like Palin saying it was okay to call someone a “retard” as long as such a statement is made in a satirical setting). By that argument, the only thing Shirley Sherrod needs to do is to say “It was all a joke” and they should immediately begin laughing it off with her. By that argument, anyone can say any hateful thing to anyone as long as they say it was a joke when they are criticized for it.

Conservatives these days are taking hate to a new level and when they aren’t using their faith to justify such acts, they start crying “well they did it/said it too!” Isn’t that the type of thing parents teach their five-year-olds not to do? I’m happy that the vast majority of the people I know and closely associate with don’t have such views. Between the anti-gay, anti-Muslim, anti-foreign, anti-“different” sentiments, statements and laws, and an undivided stance from the republican side to prevent access to healthcare for all Americans and to prevent the extension of jobless benefits to hard-working people during a recession while calling Obama Hitler for allowing the Bush tax cuts for the wealthy to expire, the conservatives not only lost me, they elicited my full opposition and disapproval.

39.

Despite popular belief, there are many more ways to reduce the deficit other than cutting taxes for the wealthy, eliminating any form of welfare, cutting education spending, treating large corporations more like people than the people who elected you, and using $2000 of your party's money at some shady bondage club! Yeah, I said it! As evil as it may be, technology, or rather the use of technology, may actually - in addition to being better for the world in general - save us money. Now, I realize that for some readers I have already crossed the line and entered into the realm of "beyond offensive" but just hear me out.

The Congressional Budget Office just recently announced that the proposed "climate bill" would reduce the national deficit by $19 billion dollars (that's $19,000,000,000)! It may be that what the CBO says is only true and nonpartisan when certain members of our legislative body deem it so, but let's use that long lost skill of imagination and common sense and examine the oh-so-unlikely possibility that they may know what they're talking about.

Those who oppose the bill do so because "we aren't ready" and because they don't want to increase the deficit. Now that it has surfaced that this bill not only won't increase the deficit, but will actually decrease it, that eliminates the main problem. Despite this, I know that before voting time, during the drawn out filibustering process that will likely reduce the bill to something that gives people in Suffolk County Massachusetts an extra cent for recycled aluminum cans, every single person opposed to the bill will without flinching say that they are opposed to the bill because it will increase our "crippling deficit." Yep, they will straight up lie about it. And to make matters worse, half of their constituents will believe them because their beloved senator or representative would never ever tell a lie!

As far as the "we aren't ready" part of the argument, we'll never ever be "ready" for anything different by their arguments. Using a super secret decoder ring I found in a box of Cracker Jacks, I have discovered that "we aren't ready" actually means "I fear I may not get re-elected. A tragedy that would spoil my long-lived period of personal political gain without interest in the well being of the people I represent. I also fear that the oil companies that, more or less, bought my seven homes and pay for my campaigns may be upset by such an action." It is also likely that the religion of those opposed would disapprove of such a narrow-minded vote because, obviously, the fact that there is oil (placed there by divine powers) means that we are morally obligated to drill it.

If we leave out all of the political and monetary issues related to the debate, we are left with the benefits any such bill would bring to the environment. If anyone tries to argue that reducing emissions of poisonous gasses into our atmosphere is a bad thing, then they should try running their car in a closed garage; I'm sure that would change their mind. Now, I'm in no way wishing harm upon anyone, but those same noxious fumes that a car emits in a closed garage are emitted in the open air. Coal, oil and - to some extent - natural gas power plants all produce these gasses that result from combustion. In places like Los Angeles, the dense smog is evidence of such gases and chemicals in the air, but even when they can't be seen they are still there. The amount of these gases in our environment will continue to increase as long as we are allowing them to spew into the air and even if we stop, what we have already put there will not just go away. Is it not possible that it may be less costly to prevent further damage than to repair it later? And that is assuming we will even be able to repair it. Wake up people! Your re-election is not the most important thing to the world. One day you'll be dead and gone and everyone else will be left to clean up your mess.

38.

For years I was happy with the fact that I was not a very political person. As time goes on, however, I realize that it is almost my obligation to be informed and to make opinions on the information I have. It may be true that the squeaky wheel gets the oil, but it isn't the one that needs it. It seems that nowadays adults - "mature" adults - are better at fake-crying than babies are. And they cry for no other reason than to defend their bigoted views and have them cemented into the fabric of society through law.

If one looks up the word "liberal" in the dictionary, he will find - among many others - the following results: 1. favorable to progress or reform, as in political or religious affairs. 2. free from prejudice or bigotry; tolerant. 3. open-minded or tolerant, esp. free of or not bound by traditional or conventional ideas, values, etc.

If one looks up the word "conservative" in the same dictionary, he will find the following: 1. Favoring traditional views and values; tending to oppose change. 2. traditional in style or manner; avoiding novelty or showiness. 3. disposed to preserve existing conditions, institutions, etc., or to restore traditional ones, and to limit change.

Now, I understand that some people are scared of new things and scared of change in general, but when it comes to the advancement and - in a sense - the survival of our nation, I have no sympathy for them. Change is a part of life and no matter how much someone hangs onto the past, they will never get back to it.

On the "tolerance" issue, it is disgusting how people thing it is justified to limit the rights of others just because they are different or have different beliefs. It has happened for a long time, with natives, blacks, women, the handicapped... When will people look to their neighbors who preach "peace on earth, god loves us all, and anyone who isn't a white, protestant christian, heterosexual who wears a tie to work is going to burn in hell for eternity" and not be afraid to tell them how disgusting of a human being they are? I have no problem with it. When attacked they will claim "it's a free country" or "I have the freedom of speech." If that's the case, then what is it that gives them that right but doesn't to all of the people whose rights they are trying to take away? The problem is that too many people remain neutral and that too many liberals are passive and think it is better to just stay out of the debate. We have come to a point where we can no longer afford to do that. We can no longer be afraid to call out someone else's faults and erroneous views, if those faults and views will hurt others. I'm done being passive. If people want to hold the world back, let them try, but I'm going to keep moving forward.

37.

2009 has passed and with it all of the bad memories may fade away while the good ones hide somewhere in the back of our minds. This year is off to a very cold start, but by no means an unhappy one. In previous years I may have contemplated far in advance what I'm going to do this year and the next, but this time I have no idea what I'm going to do or what's going to happen. The only thing I know is where I am, who I am, and that everything will be alright in the end.

36.

 It was just over a year ago when I first started writing this blog and - like with most things that are new to people - I payed much more attention to it then. I guess I've become much more busy than I was last year, but, more than that, I don't think I fully understand my feelings and thoughts as well as I used to. One would think that given the change in my situation since then, the opposite would be true. Some say that a person in the closet is "lying to himself" but the more I think about it, the more I realize that's not quite true. There is a large difference between lying to yourself and lying to others. I think it's perfectly possible for a person to be comfortable with himself or herself and still not want others to know certain things about them; maybe they don't feel it's necessary that anyone knows.      I hardly believe that's the only element involved in my more-limited expression of thought, but I do see now that stability in ones life does not necessarily suggest stability in one's mind. We all, at times, find ourselvevs in situations that require self-censorship and maybe (subconsciously) I feel that an outward expression of my ideas is not warranted by my current situation or desired by others. I know that the likelihood that very many people will ever see this is low, yet I still write here. Whatever the case, I want to try to write more frequently. It not only allows me to vent, but also allows me to go back and review previous thoughts that I may have forgotten and follow my own thought process; it can help me better understand myself.

35.

Time is flying by and I feel that I will - at some point - need to slow done and better digest everything that is going on around me. We all seem to get in a routine of just going through the motions of the day-to-day and never actually actively enjoying what is going on around us. At times it seems life becomes monotonous and every day is the same thing from dawn to dusk, but there is something unique in each day and, though they may not always stand out, it is the summation of these small, unique events that makes life interesting and beautiful.

These little events may be something as small as seeing a spider spin a web on the way to work or class in the morning, talking to someone you don't know (and never will) about something random on the bus as if you've known them forever, or doing any one of a million things that might make someone else look up and smile for a moment even though things may not be so great for them at the moment and you, in turn, might smile too. Some may define life as the total elapsed time between birth and death, but I believe if all of the things that happen every day without change are reduced to singular events and shuffled in with the unique experiences that we can get a better picture of what life is all about.

When I was a little kid, I could sit by a pond for hours watching tadpoles swim around. And, after school, it would excite me to be able to bring them bread and watch them grow. It was so fascinating how they grew little legs then little arms and then, one day they were gone. I might have been disappointed when I first got to the shore and realized it, but I was happy to have watched them grow. Another time I grew moths from caterpillars; the story goes the same way. Things are so much different now, though. Nobody stops and looks at tadpoles anymore. We look at frogs and we look at moths and butterflies and we don't think (or even care to think) about how they got to be what they are. Maybe these things are not interesting to us because they are no longer something new and any "magic" that our young imaginations used to conjure up to explain things has been dispelled by logic. Sometimes, I want to be illogical though. I want to imagine and dream like I did when I was a child, and I want to say "maybe" instead of "yes" or "no."

I think we should all live more lightheartedly. We should be more imaginative and pause to notice and appreciate all the little things that go on around us every day through the fog of our busy lives. Though half of progress may be through hard work and logic, I believe the other half is through dreams and imagination. This is obvious when you consider that there are many things (cars, radios, TVs, etc.) that are part of our lives now that have not been around forever; at one point they had to be dreamed of in the minds of men and women who were not scared to be "illogical."

34.

It's been a month since I last wrote and though I'm fairly certain it's been longer than that then anything I've written has been read, it often helps me to clear my mind if i write down my thoughs. Classes have begun and I feel that this semester will be a challenging, but passible, one and I am prepared to work hard for a few months.

It seems like every day I notice things about people that makes it easier to read people. Sometimes when we want things or expect things and other people don't provide them we see it as an attack or offence when it actually may be lack of action all together. We, in our routines, sometimes believe that others have the same motives we do when in reality everyone is driven by something different. I guess that's why it's best that everyone focuses on himself first and then others. I, however, almost exclusively put the needs of others first; making people happy makes me happy. Maybe I should work on that, but I suppose as long as things continue going well I shouldn't dwell on it too much.

33.

I couldn't sleep so I thought it would be an appropriate time for an entry. I recently found a quote i had written down sometime in ninth or tenth grade that said "The world is not a place where you can sit and watch things pass by; it is a place where you must get up and make them pass by." I suppose that statement is somewhat cliche, but thinking about it further i wonder if it might even be a bit naive. Though we would certainly like to make things happen in our own lives, and though we definitely can make things happen, the amount of control we have over the big picture is limited. Sometimes life trying to make things happen is the best we can do and there's nothing wrong with that. The most important thing is that we do try. There are many people in the world that try to point others (sometimes unknowingly) in the wrong direction. Sometimes it is tough to see through smile and promises to the truth. We must all, therefore, try to do what we believe - or know - is right even if it's the more difficult or less clear course of action.

32.

It's been quite some time since I posted, and given the significance (to me at least) of my previous post, a follow up seems only appropriate. As I sit here in San Sebastián, Puerto Rico, listening to the insects and coquíes, and feeling the warm breeze of the fan, it's quite simple for me to reflect on the past month and just how much has actually happened. I have seen that something I've been scared of, something that I thought was a big deal, hasn't really affected the way anyone views me. I found that everyone I felt was a good friend, was - in fact - a good friend, and that love and friendship go (as I believed before) far beyond the surface. I also have seen what love is truly like and continue to see what it is like and it's much more than I could have ever imagined and I carry it with me always.

31.

I've always been a fairly confident person - and a fairly brave one - but until recently I've had trouble facing up to one major aspect of who I am. Coming to terms with myself has not been easy and for nearly nine years I have been scared of it. Looking back, I never expected to be open about my sexuality, but I was young and unreasonably fearful of the opinions of others. In January of this year, I met someone who would change all of this; someone who I knew I could be happy with and I knew that it was something special and worth changing for. As the months have passed, I've slowly become more and more comfortable with the aspect of being gay and being out and I have seen that people aren't as disapproving as I feared. I have seen that good friends remain good friends no matter what.

I've always understood what love was, and have known what it is and how it works; I've known the general nature of it. Feeling it is completely different. Feeling so connected to someone is very special and knowing that someone cares about you just as much as you care about them is one of the best feelings in the world. It was love that help me overcome my fear because I knew that no matter what happened, I would still have that.

Looking back, I find myself wishing I had been open about it a long time ago because then at this point I would have nothing to hide and things might flow more smoothly. At the same time, I think this process may have made us (myself for sure) stronger. I suppose I just needed a reason and now I found it (or maybe it found me!). Putting all thoughts and regrets aside, I believe my life can be more fulfilling than ever now and I look forward to whatever lies ahead of me. As with many situations, late is better than never and I'm just lucky that someone was willing to be patient with me and give me a chance.

Thank you to all of my friends who have always been there for me and who continue to do so. You know who you are.

30.

Today seems to be an ironically appropriate day to write about what happened yesterday...

Yesterday, my friends father who was down visiting for three days(after not seeing him in two years) decided to take him to the beach; St. George Island to be more specific. My friend knew his father smokes pot, but didn't expect he would in front of him, especially considering they had only three days to visit each other. About twenty miles out of Tallahassee, his stepmother pulled out a joint and when he asked what she was doing, she said that she was going to smoke. When he said that he didn't want them to smoke while he was riding in the car, they basically said "too bad." The end result was that they left him on the side of the road near some park and drove off and then came back for him and they continued to the beach with much argument. He asked if I would come get him and I gladly made the drive down there.

The long drive gave me a lot of time to think and the scenery seemed to fit the mood very well. The sky was blanketed in grey clouds and when I finally got along the coastal highway, the Gulf even looked as if it were angry. The dead tree trunks had the sand eroded away from beneath them and the roots were grabbing at the air and the grey sky over dark brown water with white-capped waves was a somewhat emotional sight. I'm not going to elaborate, but many of my thoughts went back to my own past.

To analyze the situation, I don't know what kind of man does that to his son. I understand that people will do what they do, but when requested by someone you care about to refrain temporarily, it doesn't seem like it should be a very difficult decision at all. How can one give up one of the greater pleasures in life, or put it aside, for a false sense of satisfaction and live with himself? My friend then, understandably, felt to some degree that his father didn't (or couldn't) enjoy spending time with him without being high. Thinking of this not only saddens me, it makes me angry. I'll leave any further thoughts to the reader.

29. A little autobiographical excerpt

Sometimes I think I put a little too much on my plate. There has been more than one time in my life where I was out the door before the sun came up and didn't get back until it set again. My reasons used to be different though. I used to be gone all day for the simple reason that I just didn't want to be home. Home wasn't entirely unpleasant, but there were aspects about being there that I preferred to avoid. Even this scenario played out in two phases.

When I was in middle school, my dad began dating this woman. For the purpose of excluding names, I'll call her 'Woman.' It may be important to note that when they met, they were both under the influence of alcohol at my dad's friend's party. Also interesting that my dad, drunk as he was, volunteered to give Woman a ride home (along with my brother, my brother's friend, and myself). At first she seemed like good company and was pleasant enough, but things changed over time. As it would turn out this southern belle possessed the wonderfully pleasing southern superstitions, some other inconvenient idiosyncrasies, and an affinity for nose candy and its smokeable counterpart (the latter would not come into play until toward the end of the 'union' though). She may not have been all bad, but it was enough to keep me away from the house when I could and to keep me in my room when I was home. She is the only person my dad ever dated that I didn't like.

After Woman and my dad split, she left one bad habit I mentioned in the previous paragraph with my dad. Passing this habit along was no doubt very easy as my dad had been smoking pot since he was a young teen and it probably did no more than to keep him running normal in this time thirty years later. I had become accustomed to dealing with my dad's one habit beginning when, at the age of ten, my brother and I found papers under the seat of his car. And - even before that - I remember as a small child seeing him smoke "home made cigarettes" in front of my brother and me when my parents were still together. This habit may have made my dad lazy at times and made his room off limits at all times but the affects never horribly affected me.
With the new addiction, though it took some time to notice, the affects were obvious.

The first noticeable things began happening in tenth grade. My dad could no longer afford the house he had been living in so we moved into a rental. Then there was the occasional power going out because him not paying the bill. Lack of electricity was a nuisance, but thanks to friends and nearby family it was never more than that. That progressed to my dad's absence for weeks at a time with no communication (which continued until I moved out). Even though he was gone for a long time, he would always come back. My brother would always worry and I would say "he's fine, he's always fine, he'll come back." What else was I supposed to say? We both had jobs so food was never an issue and I was busy and not wanting to think about it so I wasn't home a lot anyway. After being arrested and having the car confiscated it seemed like he may have been scared into getting things back in order a little bit, but this was not the case. One day senior year, he asked me to pee in a cup for him because they were doing a drug test for him at work. I said "no because it would make me just as guilty as you." I have received both praise and criticism from the few people who know about this, but I know that the decision I made was the right one and my dad is better now thanks, in part, to my decision. After this there was a car accident and unpaid insurance which ultimately lead to me moving in with my grandparents, my brother moving in with my mom, and my dad going to live with his mom and then onto rehab. The rest of this story is for another time.

Now, there are no problems like there were then. Aside from having a lot of homework and difficult tests, life really is quite simple. I still, however, have been finding myself being away from home a lot (to clarify, I mean home at school). It's funny how, even when things are good, habits developed in certain situations seem to stick even after those situations no longer exist. I have met new people and have developed multiple circles of friends and, so far, I have not stretched myself to thin, but I have found that every once in a while these circles are consolidated and everything gets back to its normal easy flow once more.

28.

Four more weeks until summer and I'm as ready as I've ever been. I haven't had a break longer than a few weeks since college started and I look forward to it; I likely won't know what to do with myself. I mainly look forward to spending time with family and friends back home. I miss them. There was never much drama (aside from a minor argument here and there), and never trouble; I have been able to avoid both things here, but it is far more difficult. It's funny, considering that I met them when I was at an age that certain situations and activities weren't even thought of and, somehow (either due to luck or good judgement on my part) they all turned out to avoid the same ones that I not only avoid, but am against.

I've always felt bad for people who fell under the influence of bad "friends" or bad people in general and - as I've seen first hand cases of this in people closer to me more recently -I wish people were sometimes less scared to tell another person "go to hell" because it would be "unfriendly" or they might upset someone.

I remember when I used to be entirely optimistic and thought that, no matter what, everything would end up okay. But even then, I was able to tell when I might have been better off not letting certain people too close. Certain things that have happened over the past two or three years have certainly made me more realistic about things and I have realized that being wary of people is one thing, but - for me at least - there is no reason to be scared. I think other people should be scared sometimes, but I'm not likely to be swayed from the things I truly believe in.

Do I think people who influence (or convince) another person to do the wrong thing or to do something harmful to themselves is actively thinking about doing harm to that person? Of course not, though I'm sure it does happen in some circles. I do, however, think that the fact that they don't care or think about what they're doing is just as bad if not worse. Maybe it is hard for them to have foresight, but it's hard to even consider that when you consider that the person cares so little that it doesn't even begin to cross their mind, and if the person who is being convinced has trust in his/her "friend", it's unlikely motives or reasons (whether or not they exist) will be questioned. Naivety is interesting because different people may have advanced insight and understanding in certain areas of life, and a complete lack thereof in others. One should love his friends, value his friends, and respect his friends, but nobody should be scared to question his friends if ever there is doubt.

27.

As my understanding of human ignorance becomes more clear, the realization of how vast this epidemic of benightedness has become - or perhaps has always been - gives me a pit in my stomach; a very acute feeling of uneasiness. I realize it's pessimistic to assume that everyone is lying to you, and I don't feel that way, but still I believe I give too many people the benefit of the doubt. To some a smile and a promise signify the highest possible level of security, but the truth of the matter is that both can me faked. More often than not, it seems, motive is not easily seen.

There are certain people I don't like (as I'm sure is the case with almost everyone). I am by no means incapable of getting along with everyone I meet, but there are some people I would rather not get along with. I have been criticized by more than one person for judging people, but I think that criticism stems from a lack of understanding of what I mean when I say judge. Prejudging is one thing, but judging someone based on how they act, what they do, and how they treat other people seems not only reasonable but expected. It is unwise not to judge people at all because eventually someone is going to take advantage of another person's self inflicted naivety.

26.

My decision not to go home this weekend in order to complete some assignments and stay on top of studying means that by the time spring break arrives, this will have been the longest I've been without going home. I used to wonder how people could go years (or even forever) without ever going back - even if only for a short visit - to where they came from and to their family. Now I see that when life gets busy we are often distracted from nostalgic thoughts as our focus shifts to doing the things we need to do to get by. This is not to say the desire goes away, but rather what we desire is forgotten. I hope that, while I may encounter times that leave me unable to go home, I never lose the desire. There's no feeling quite like driving down familiar streets and pulling into your driveway after a long absence.
Overall, I am happy and have good friends here, but I can't help but notice the distance that has developed between myself and the people I used to be with every day. This is, no doubt, a normal step in life, but it strangely seems harder to digest looking in retrospect than if my eyes were locked forward.

25.

Recently, I've found it difficult to make time to write here and - though I have no deadlines to meet or audience to please - I want to try to start writing at least once a week. My overthinking and over analyzing of every person and every situation puts a lot on my mind and perhaps writing helps clear things up for me and relax.
One thing that I have become aware of (or at least have begun thinking of) is that there is no reason that isn't 'man-made' for anything. The notion that bad things happen to "bad" people and good things happen to "good" people is really, when you think about it, quite absurd. The fact that whether or not a person is good or bad is based on opinion and man-made morals alone should be enough to discredit this claim. If good things happen to "good" people it's because another person recognizes the goodness and does something positive or rewarding as a result. With a "bad" person, anything bad that happens to them is either caused by another person recognizing the badness or simply by situations that a "bad" person might put him or herself through.
It is very easy to judge someone's actions as being good or bad based on what one is used to and what society accepts, but any judgement on a person's character is quite difficult (or at least it should be). If a person makes a mistake, I hardly think that makes them bad; it simply confirms that they are human. If a person chooses to do something wrong, it's not right to pass judgement either unless where the person is coming from, what they have been through, and how they see things is fully understood. I believe that anyone can change and how a person is affected by his or her actions says a lot more about the person than the actions themselves.
Humans are animals. (Regardless of how religious or anti-religious one may be, this is a fact and it shouldn't be a problem considering that the term was first created and defined by man.) This being said, I think we, like all other animals, have instincts. In what many people might consider "normal" situations, logic and reason mask these instincts and largely eliminate the necessity for them, but - when a person is trapped, or scared, or put in a situation they do not understand - these instincts sometimes surface. All of this is just to say that it isn't fair to judge a person's character based on isolated actions because on the outside it isn't always possible to understand what that person may be going through. Sure, there are overall some "bad" and some "good" people, but that type of label is "earned" over time and is - of course - always subject to biased opinions and stereotypes we have created for each other.

24.

Recent events have caused me to reflect on my own life, my choices, my attitude toward things. I can't help but feeling that if I maybe put a little more effort in different directions that I would be happier and, overall, have more time. Procrastination is an evil thing, sometimes in more ways and more severely than one can even begin to contemplate. I've often doubted some of my views; very few people share many of them so it's only a natural reaction. Now, however, I feel even more strongly about them than I did before because after seeing real life examples I know that what I have done and what I will do is the right thing. I've taken the more difficult path when I could have just as easily taken the easy one, and it may have hurt someone at the moment. But wounds heal back stronger and I've woken up to find that the difficult decisions I've made (even if they seemed wrong at the time) and the tears I shed were not for no reason and as the picture develops, I can be confident that the image that appears is better than the one I was looking at before the flash went off.

23.

I consider myself, for the most part, to be open minded and able to grasp abstract and complex ideas, but - when I am faced with something I can't understand - I find it difficult to relax my mind until I either find an answer or realize that there simply is no explanation. What I am about to describe mainly affects me when it is with regards to someone close or important to me, but the idea in general is one that concerns and troubles me to no end.

Most people with liberal views like myself would probably consider the legalization of marijuana as a logical step in the direction of "social liberation" or whatever one might call it. If I were put in a position to vote on the matter, however, I would have a more-than-difficult time deciding whether to vote for or against it.
On one hand, I do believe people should be able to make their own decisions in many situations, and be free do engage in such activities as long as no one else is negatively affected. On the other hand, although it may seem (and may really be) harmless at certain points in a person's life, there comes a point where it can begin affecting others. This may be uncommon, but it still happens, and I'm unsure if it is a risk worth taking. I also can't help that I do worry about people even if I might not know them.
I guess it's fair to say that, for me, the issue goes beyond legality. It's not important to me whether or not it is legal (people will use it either way), or whether or not it's dangerous or unhealthy. My problem is what it does to people's minds and to their overall thought process. My problem is that people become incapable of dealing with issues and stress independently after a while. My problem is that with such a short time to live, how can someone justify devoting so much time to nothingness when every person has the potential to go somewhere if they just choose the right roads to walk down?
Now, I know that not everyone wastes every hour of the day in a cloud of pot smoke. And I know that some people carry themselves well and are productive and whatnot. But not everyone is, and not everyone can handle something like that. The mind is a powerful and amazing tool and a healthy one requires no chemical assistance to function properly.
Another issue I have with pot smokers is that not only do they believe everyone on earth smokes pot, but they push anyone who doesn't use it to join them. Why? If there's nothing wrong with it and it and everybody is doing it, why is it necessary that a non-smoker be convinced to adopt the habit? Is it that a smoker is intimidated by a person who can function without it? Or is it that a smoker feels less insecure, less stupid, when they are not alone? Why?

I'm sure any answers I can provide myself for these questions will be rhetorical and will just cause my mind to turn over and over. And any answers I've ever gotten from other people simply allude to the fact that there is no reason; that this is one of the things in life that has no explanation and just happens because it happens. People do things to make themselves feel better and sometimes they just lack the imagination and strength to contemplate activities that give them such feelings so easily; it's just easy. Oh well. I'll survive either way. This has been my rant of the century.

22.

I often wondered why people love cats so much. Of course when they purr and rub up on you and stuff it's nice and I admit that I like my cat at home too. But if enough thought is put into it and you realize the creature doesn't even have the ability care about you and your happiness, maybe things aren't quite as they seem. For example, I went home for the weekend to find that the cat had smudged its crap (yes, literally, crap) on my blanket. What a sign of love! And someone might say "but it's just an animal!" (except for one girl my friend knows who apparently believes that "they're people too!") but that's not fair. If a person smudged his excrement on your bedspread, I don't think anyone would defend them by crying "but he was just tired!" or "he didn't know any better!" I don't know if I have a point in particular, but how pleasant can an animal really be when they demonstrate false love when they want something and smudge feces on your bed when they don't?

21. A Poem

In the dark early morning
There's no one around.
An apple core lies
On the cold, stony ground.
I suppose the uncertainty
That comes with the night
May be extinguished
With the first morning light.

But the confusion is compounded
With the first blinding ray
That comes from this star
Which gives this world day.
Things were much better
When the truth was unseen.
The dark gives us all shelter
From what we have been.

It's a sizable burden
That you have to bear.
And I challenge you gravely
To find just one soul that cares.
Because the sun will come up
And open your eyes.
And the cold, howling winds
Will dampen your cries.