As my understanding of human ignorance becomes more clear, the realization of how vast this epidemic of benightedness has become - or perhaps has always been - gives me a pit in my stomach; a very acute feeling of uneasiness. I realize it's pessimistic to assume that everyone is lying to you, and I don't feel that way, but still I believe I give too many people the benefit of the doubt. To some a smile and a promise signify the highest possible level of security, but the truth of the matter is that both can me faked. More often than not, it seems, motive is not easily seen.
There are certain people I don't like (as I'm sure is the case with almost everyone). I am by no means incapable of getting along with everyone I meet, but there are some people I would rather not get along with. I have been criticized by more than one person for judging people, but I think that criticism stems from a lack of understanding of what I mean when I say judge. Prejudging is one thing, but judging someone based on how they act, what they do, and how they treat other people seems not only reasonable but expected. It is unwise not to judge people at all because eventually someone is going to take advantage of another person's self inflicted naivety.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
26.
My decision not to go home this weekend in order to complete some assignments and stay on top of studying means that by the time spring break arrives, this will have been the longest I've been without going home. I used to wonder how people could go years (or even forever) without ever going back - even if only for a short visit - to where they came from and to their family. Now I see that when life gets busy we are often distracted from nostalgic thoughts as our focus shifts to doing the things we need to do to get by. This is not to say the desire goes away, but rather what we desire is forgotten. I hope that, while I may encounter times that leave me unable to go home, I never lose the desire. There's no feeling quite like driving down familiar streets and pulling into your driveway after a long absence.
Overall, I am happy and have good friends here, but I can't help but notice the distance that has developed between myself and the people I used to be with every day. This is, no doubt, a normal step in life, but it strangely seems harder to digest looking in retrospect than if my eyes were locked forward.
Overall, I am happy and have good friends here, but I can't help but notice the distance that has developed between myself and the people I used to be with every day. This is, no doubt, a normal step in life, but it strangely seems harder to digest looking in retrospect than if my eyes were locked forward.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
25.
Recently, I've found it difficult to make time to write here and - though I have no deadlines to meet or audience to please - I want to try to start writing at least once a week. My overthinking and over analyzing of every person and every situation puts a lot on my mind and perhaps writing helps clear things up for me and relax.
One thing that I have become aware of (or at least have begun thinking of) is that there is no reason that isn't 'man-made' for anything. The notion that bad things happen to "bad" people and good things happen to "good" people is really, when you think about it, quite absurd. The fact that whether or not a person is good or bad is based on opinion and man-made morals alone should be enough to discredit this claim. If good things happen to "good" people it's because another person recognizes the goodness and does something positive or rewarding as a result. With a "bad" person, anything bad that happens to them is either caused by another person recognizing the badness or simply by situations that a "bad" person might put him or herself through.
It is very easy to judge someone's actions as being good or bad based on what one is used to and what society accepts, but any judgement on a person's character is quite difficult (or at least it should be). If a person makes a mistake, I hardly think that makes them bad; it simply confirms that they are human. If a person chooses to do something wrong, it's not right to pass judgement either unless where the person is coming from, what they have been through, and how they see things is fully understood. I believe that anyone can change and how a person is affected by his or her actions says a lot more about the person than the actions themselves.
Humans are animals. (Regardless of how religious or anti-religious one may be, this is a fact and it shouldn't be a problem considering that the term was first created and defined by man.) This being said, I think we, like all other animals, have instincts. In what many people might consider "normal" situations, logic and reason mask these instincts and largely eliminate the necessity for them, but - when a person is trapped, or scared, or put in a situation they do not understand - these instincts sometimes surface. All of this is just to say that it isn't fair to judge a person's character based on isolated actions because on the outside it isn't always possible to understand what that person may be going through. Sure, there are overall some "bad" and some "good" people, but that type of label is "earned" over time and is - of course - always subject to biased opinions and stereotypes we have created for each other.
One thing that I have become aware of (or at least have begun thinking of) is that there is no reason that isn't 'man-made' for anything. The notion that bad things happen to "bad" people and good things happen to "good" people is really, when you think about it, quite absurd. The fact that whether or not a person is good or bad is based on opinion and man-made morals alone should be enough to discredit this claim. If good things happen to "good" people it's because another person recognizes the goodness and does something positive or rewarding as a result. With a "bad" person, anything bad that happens to them is either caused by another person recognizing the badness or simply by situations that a "bad" person might put him or herself through.
It is very easy to judge someone's actions as being good or bad based on what one is used to and what society accepts, but any judgement on a person's character is quite difficult (or at least it should be). If a person makes a mistake, I hardly think that makes them bad; it simply confirms that they are human. If a person chooses to do something wrong, it's not right to pass judgement either unless where the person is coming from, what they have been through, and how they see things is fully understood. I believe that anyone can change and how a person is affected by his or her actions says a lot more about the person than the actions themselves.
Humans are animals. (Regardless of how religious or anti-religious one may be, this is a fact and it shouldn't be a problem considering that the term was first created and defined by man.) This being said, I think we, like all other animals, have instincts. In what many people might consider "normal" situations, logic and reason mask these instincts and largely eliminate the necessity for them, but - when a person is trapped, or scared, or put in a situation they do not understand - these instincts sometimes surface. All of this is just to say that it isn't fair to judge a person's character based on isolated actions because on the outside it isn't always possible to understand what that person may be going through. Sure, there are overall some "bad" and some "good" people, but that type of label is "earned" over time and is - of course - always subject to biased opinions and stereotypes we have created for each other.
Monday, February 9, 2009
24.
Recent events have caused me to reflect on my own life, my choices, my attitude toward things. I can't help but feeling that if I maybe put a little more effort in different directions that I would be happier and, overall, have more time. Procrastination is an evil thing, sometimes in more ways and more severely than one can even begin to contemplate. I've often doubted some of my views; very few people share many of them so it's only a natural reaction. Now, however, I feel even more strongly about them than I did before because after seeing real life examples I know that what I have done and what I will do is the right thing. I've taken the more difficult path when I could have just as easily taken the easy one, and it may have hurt someone at the moment. But wounds heal back stronger and I've woken up to find that the difficult decisions I've made (even if they seemed wrong at the time) and the tears I shed were not for no reason and as the picture develops, I can be confident that the image that appears is better than the one I was looking at before the flash went off.
Friday, January 23, 2009
23.
I consider myself, for the most part, to be open minded and able to grasp abstract and complex ideas, but - when I am faced with something I can't understand - I find it difficult to relax my mind until I either find an answer or realize that there simply is no explanation. What I am about to describe mainly affects me when it is with regards to someone close or important to me, but the idea in general is one that concerns and troubles me to no end.
Most people with liberal views like myself would probably consider the legalization of marijuana as a logical step in the direction of "social liberation" or whatever one might call it. If I were put in a position to vote on the matter, however, I would have a more-than-difficult time deciding whether to vote for or against it.
On one hand, I do believe people should be able to make their own decisions in many situations, and be free do engage in such activities as long as no one else is negatively affected. On the other hand, although it may seem (and may really be) harmless at certain points in a person's life, there comes a point where it can begin affecting others. This may be uncommon, but it still happens, and I'm unsure if it is a risk worth taking. I also can't help that I do worry about people even if I might not know them.
I guess it's fair to say that, for me, the issue goes beyond legality. It's not important to me whether or not it is legal (people will use it either way), or whether or not it's dangerous or unhealthy. My problem is what it does to people's minds and to their overall thought process. My problem is that people become incapable of dealing with issues and stress independently after a while. My problem is that with such a short time to live, how can someone justify devoting so much time to nothingness when every person has the potential to go somewhere if they just choose the right roads to walk down?
Now, I know that not everyone wastes every hour of the day in a cloud of pot smoke. And I know that some people carry themselves well and are productive and whatnot. But not everyone is, and not everyone can handle something like that. The mind is a powerful and amazing tool and a healthy one requires no chemical assistance to function properly.
Another issue I have with pot smokers is that not only do they believe everyone on earth smokes pot, but they push anyone who doesn't use it to join them. Why? If there's nothing wrong with it and it and everybody is doing it, why is it necessary that a non-smoker be convinced to adopt the habit? Is it that a smoker is intimidated by a person who can function without it? Or is it that a smoker feels less insecure, less stupid, when they are not alone? Why?
I'm sure any answers I can provide myself for these questions will be rhetorical and will just cause my mind to turn over and over. And any answers I've ever gotten from other people simply allude to the fact that there is no reason; that this is one of the things in life that has no explanation and just happens because it happens. People do things to make themselves feel better and sometimes they just lack the imagination and strength to contemplate activities that give them such feelings so easily; it's just easy. Oh well. I'll survive either way. This has been my rant of the century.
Most people with liberal views like myself would probably consider the legalization of marijuana as a logical step in the direction of "social liberation" or whatever one might call it. If I were put in a position to vote on the matter, however, I would have a more-than-difficult time deciding whether to vote for or against it.
On one hand, I do believe people should be able to make their own decisions in many situations, and be free do engage in such activities as long as no one else is negatively affected. On the other hand, although it may seem (and may really be) harmless at certain points in a person's life, there comes a point where it can begin affecting others. This may be uncommon, but it still happens, and I'm unsure if it is a risk worth taking. I also can't help that I do worry about people even if I might not know them.
I guess it's fair to say that, for me, the issue goes beyond legality. It's not important to me whether or not it is legal (people will use it either way), or whether or not it's dangerous or unhealthy. My problem is what it does to people's minds and to their overall thought process. My problem is that people become incapable of dealing with issues and stress independently after a while. My problem is that with such a short time to live, how can someone justify devoting so much time to nothingness when every person has the potential to go somewhere if they just choose the right roads to walk down?
Now, I know that not everyone wastes every hour of the day in a cloud of pot smoke. And I know that some people carry themselves well and are productive and whatnot. But not everyone is, and not everyone can handle something like that. The mind is a powerful and amazing tool and a healthy one requires no chemical assistance to function properly.
Another issue I have with pot smokers is that not only do they believe everyone on earth smokes pot, but they push anyone who doesn't use it to join them. Why? If there's nothing wrong with it and it and everybody is doing it, why is it necessary that a non-smoker be convinced to adopt the habit? Is it that a smoker is intimidated by a person who can function without it? Or is it that a smoker feels less insecure, less stupid, when they are not alone? Why?
I'm sure any answers I can provide myself for these questions will be rhetorical and will just cause my mind to turn over and over. And any answers I've ever gotten from other people simply allude to the fact that there is no reason; that this is one of the things in life that has no explanation and just happens because it happens. People do things to make themselves feel better and sometimes they just lack the imagination and strength to contemplate activities that give them such feelings so easily; it's just easy. Oh well. I'll survive either way. This has been my rant of the century.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
22.
I often wondered why people love cats so much. Of course when they purr and rub up on you and stuff it's nice and I admit that I like my cat at home too. But if enough thought is put into it and you realize the creature doesn't even have the ability care about you and your happiness, maybe things aren't quite as they seem. For example, I went home for the weekend to find that the cat had smudged its crap (yes, literally, crap) on my blanket. What a sign of love! And someone might say "but it's just an animal!" (except for one girl my friend knows who apparently believes that "they're people too!") but that's not fair. If a person smudged his excrement on your bedspread, I don't think anyone would defend them by crying "but he was just tired!" or "he didn't know any better!" I don't know if I have a point in particular, but how pleasant can an animal really be when they demonstrate false love when they want something and smudge feces on your bed when they don't?
Saturday, January 10, 2009
21. A Poem
In the dark early morning
There's no one around.
An apple core lies
On the cold, stony ground.
I suppose the uncertainty
That comes with the night
May be extinguished
With the first morning light.
But the confusion is compounded
With the first blinding ray
That comes from this star
Which gives this world day.
Things were much better
When the truth was unseen.
The dark gives us all shelter
From what we have been.
It's a sizable burden
That you have to bear.
And I challenge you gravely
To find just one soul that cares.
Because the sun will come up
And open your eyes.
And the cold, howling winds
Will dampen your cries.
There's no one around.
An apple core lies
On the cold, stony ground.
I suppose the uncertainty
That comes with the night
May be extinguished
With the first morning light.
But the confusion is compounded
With the first blinding ray
That comes from this star
Which gives this world day.
Things were much better
When the truth was unseen.
The dark gives us all shelter
From what we have been.
It's a sizable burden
That you have to bear.
And I challenge you gravely
To find just one soul that cares.
Because the sun will come up
And open your eyes.
And the cold, howling winds
Will dampen your cries.
20.
It's been a while since my last post, so I decided to write one this morning. A new year has begun and with it, i expect, will come many new opportunities. I don't think I have changed very much in the past year, but I have come to terms with and accepted many things - or at least I've realized that I have accepted them. Every day that I don't move forward is a day that is lost and I know that sooner or later I'm going to have to start jogging to keep up with the time.
My ability to get to sleep quickly has improved, but I seem to have lost my ability to stay asleep for very long. I'm tired, but I think my sleep schedule will normalize itself over time.
My ability to get to sleep quickly has improved, but I seem to have lost my ability to stay asleep for very long. I'm tired, but I think my sleep schedule will normalize itself over time.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
19.
Sometimes I have wondered how bad things must get in order for a situation to be considered the "worst possible situation." Putting any amount of thought into it tells me that it's completely relative, but - even so - how much can a person handle before he reaches that critical point where he can take no more? I hit my low point just over two years ago, but I was able to get out. I wasn't the cause of my bad times though. So it's also important to consider whether or not a person brings himself to his own low point or if he is brought to that point by circumstances he can't control. In either case, I think a person must act to get out. Even if it's hard or seems impossible, there's always some way to squeeze free. This escape may be hard to recognize and may not even be present at first, but it is never okay to give up.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
18.
The semester has ended and winter break has gotten off to an awesome start! My hard work (and unnecessary stress) paid off once again and I am so relieved. Monday was great; I got to go to several Disney parks with a very good friend and then spent that night at my brother's. Today was also very good and I was able to rest up a bit. I'm not entirely sure what the following days will bring but I'm sure everything will be great! A few aspects of my mom's health have me concerned at the moment but I'm hopeful that everything regarding that situation will end up just fine. Recently, more than ever, I'm beginning to realize who's more important to me and also who I might be important to. I've never really been overly concerned with that sort of thing, but it is certainly nice. The holidays are growing closer at a faster rate each day and I know that in the blink of an eye they'll be fading out of view behind me. I'm going to work hard to enjoy them without stressing about the small things and let them pass as slowly as I can.
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