36.

 It was just over a year ago when I first started writing this blog and - like with most things that are new to people - I payed much more attention to it then. I guess I've become much more busy than I was last year, but, more than that, I don't think I fully understand my feelings and thoughts as well as I used to. One would think that given the change in my situation since then, the opposite would be true. Some say that a person in the closet is "lying to himself" but the more I think about it, the more I realize that's not quite true. There is a large difference between lying to yourself and lying to others. I think it's perfectly possible for a person to be comfortable with himself or herself and still not want others to know certain things about them; maybe they don't feel it's necessary that anyone knows.      I hardly believe that's the only element involved in my more-limited expression of thought, but I do see now that stability in ones life does not necessarily suggest stability in one's mind. We all, at times, find ourselvevs in situations that require self-censorship and maybe (subconsciously) I feel that an outward expression of my ideas is not warranted by my current situation or desired by others. I know that the likelihood that very many people will ever see this is low, yet I still write here. Whatever the case, I want to try to write more frequently. It not only allows me to vent, but also allows me to go back and review previous thoughts that I may have forgotten and follow my own thought process; it can help me better understand myself.