23.

I consider myself, for the most part, to be open minded and able to grasp abstract and complex ideas, but - when I am faced with something I can't understand - I find it difficult to relax my mind until I either find an answer or realize that there simply is no explanation. What I am about to describe mainly affects me when it is with regards to someone close or important to me, but the idea in general is one that concerns and troubles me to no end.

Most people with liberal views like myself would probably consider the legalization of marijuana as a logical step in the direction of "social liberation" or whatever one might call it. If I were put in a position to vote on the matter, however, I would have a more-than-difficult time deciding whether to vote for or against it.
On one hand, I do believe people should be able to make their own decisions in many situations, and be free do engage in such activities as long as no one else is negatively affected. On the other hand, although it may seem (and may really be) harmless at certain points in a person's life, there comes a point where it can begin affecting others. This may be uncommon, but it still happens, and I'm unsure if it is a risk worth taking. I also can't help that I do worry about people even if I might not know them.
I guess it's fair to say that, for me, the issue goes beyond legality. It's not important to me whether or not it is legal (people will use it either way), or whether or not it's dangerous or unhealthy. My problem is what it does to people's minds and to their overall thought process. My problem is that people become incapable of dealing with issues and stress independently after a while. My problem is that with such a short time to live, how can someone justify devoting so much time to nothingness when every person has the potential to go somewhere if they just choose the right roads to walk down?
Now, I know that not everyone wastes every hour of the day in a cloud of pot smoke. And I know that some people carry themselves well and are productive and whatnot. But not everyone is, and not everyone can handle something like that. The mind is a powerful and amazing tool and a healthy one requires no chemical assistance to function properly.
Another issue I have with pot smokers is that not only do they believe everyone on earth smokes pot, but they push anyone who doesn't use it to join them. Why? If there's nothing wrong with it and it and everybody is doing it, why is it necessary that a non-smoker be convinced to adopt the habit? Is it that a smoker is intimidated by a person who can function without it? Or is it that a smoker feels less insecure, less stupid, when they are not alone? Why?

I'm sure any answers I can provide myself for these questions will be rhetorical and will just cause my mind to turn over and over. And any answers I've ever gotten from other people simply allude to the fact that there is no reason; that this is one of the things in life that has no explanation and just happens because it happens. People do things to make themselves feel better and sometimes they just lack the imagination and strength to contemplate activities that give them such feelings so easily; it's just easy. Oh well. I'll survive either way. This has been my rant of the century.

22.

I often wondered why people love cats so much. Of course when they purr and rub up on you and stuff it's nice and I admit that I like my cat at home too. But if enough thought is put into it and you realize the creature doesn't even have the ability care about you and your happiness, maybe things aren't quite as they seem. For example, I went home for the weekend to find that the cat had smudged its crap (yes, literally, crap) on my blanket. What a sign of love! And someone might say "but it's just an animal!" (except for one girl my friend knows who apparently believes that "they're people too!") but that's not fair. If a person smudged his excrement on your bedspread, I don't think anyone would defend them by crying "but he was just tired!" or "he didn't know any better!" I don't know if I have a point in particular, but how pleasant can an animal really be when they demonstrate false love when they want something and smudge feces on your bed when they don't?

21. A Poem

In the dark early morning
There's no one around.
An apple core lies
On the cold, stony ground.
I suppose the uncertainty
That comes with the night
May be extinguished
With the first morning light.

But the confusion is compounded
With the first blinding ray
That comes from this star
Which gives this world day.
Things were much better
When the truth was unseen.
The dark gives us all shelter
From what we have been.

It's a sizable burden
That you have to bear.
And I challenge you gravely
To find just one soul that cares.
Because the sun will come up
And open your eyes.
And the cold, howling winds
Will dampen your cries.

20.

It's been a while since my last post, so I decided to write one this morning. A new year has begun and with it, i expect, will come many new opportunities. I don't think I have changed very much in the past year, but I have come to terms with and accepted many things - or at least I've realized that I have accepted them. Every day that I don't move forward is a day that is lost and I know that sooner or later I'm going to have to start jogging to keep up with the time.

My ability to get to sleep quickly has improved, but I seem to have lost my ability to stay asleep for very long. I'm tired, but I think my sleep schedule will normalize itself over time.